Almost a year later !!!!

February 21, 2010 will be a year with Triple 'B'. I am still happy and things have been moving forward, at a really good pace. He has moved in as of Oct, 01, 2009 and we are still GOOD. I wrote something about him and how I feel, it's still not finished but I thought I would post it anyway. This entry to my blog is somewhat a conclusion, an ending to my search for finding happiness.....

I found my happiness…..in life, in my soul, in my beliefs, in myself.

I didn’t think I would ever meet that person, that person I just kinda click with. The person that I could see myself settling down with, a person I could actually think about marrying. Well, I found that person. I don’t need to say his name cause we all know who I’m talking about. If you don’t, then you’re not my true friend AND SHOULDN’T EVEN BE READING THIS. But I know that whomever I gave this website to, knows me well enough, and also knows that it means I TRUST you and your friendship.

So, I will explain a little as to the reasons why I feel the way I do. I have come to find that Bill is truly a good person. He has a good soul and a good heart. He is honest and innocent in a way that makes him sincere. He accepts responsibility for things, even when it might have been a bad decision. He takes care of himself in that he cares about his hygiene and his looks. This might sound funny, but have you ever met someone that just doesn’t give a shit about themselves. Like doesn’t bathe or doesn’t brush their teeth and just basically doesn’t give a fuck. Is that someone you would want to be with…no. It’s so true that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. When you don’t care about yourself, everything and everyone else around you just starts to fall apart.

He cooks….. no need to explain more of that :)

He cleans and more importantly helps me clean the way I LIKE things clean. Impossible to do when you don’t give a fuck. Caring and putting in that extra effort to make the other person happy goes a long way……a very long way.

He shows that he cares with spontaneous signs of affection. I have gotten random texts saying, “p.s. I love you” and I have come home to a big butterfly balloon or what makes me even happier a clean house. I learned recently that when he knows I’m close to coming home from work, he tidies up the house. Crazy huh. Well for those of you that know me, I have OCD with cleaning, so this means a whole lot too.

He loves me for who I am. I am not at all, in any way, a different person when I’m around him. I still joke about things that probably only I find funny. I am exploring my inner desire for being tattooed all over…. And he loves every inch of my tattoos, which by the way are still being done and in the process of.

He thinks of my family, even when I’m not thinking of them. He will suggest things that they might like or things he would like to get them, even if it’s just for fun. He is very accepting of my brother and is very comfortable hanging out with him, even if it means hanging out with his boyfriend too. Not everyone is cool with being around gay guys and even more being around TWO gay guys, so that’s very important to me and important to my brother.


He rides a Harley. No need for further explanation.

He is generous, yet still handles the fact that I make a lot more than him. He handles this very well. I know this can be hard for a man’s ego to take. A strong female that makes more than he does, (strong in the respect of my job). But he handles it well, and still worries about paying the bills and contributing his fair share. Never once has money been an issue for us, even when he was thinking of quitting his job. Money is a powerful tool and a powerful reason that is the cause for many divorces. In my case, money has never been an issue and I feel secure in saying that it never will.

Most important, which clearly yet simply explains who he is. He wants to be a good person. He wants to be a good man. He wants to be a good boyfriend. I just hope someday he will want to be a good husband, he he he. I know he has thought about it and we have talked about it, as far as the details of marriage we are on the same exact page. We feel the same way about religion and no kids and even better, his family consists of one grandmother, so ‘family’ with us is all on my side. His values are where there supposed to be, and this is one of the most important things in a good healthy relationship. He has actually said these words to me, “I want to be a good boyfriend and I hope I am a good man, in your eyes”….and I do.

Last but not least, He is sexy, well at least to me he is…..and he has a nice ass :)

Top Ten:
-nice butt
-sexy tattoos
-sexy green eyes
-love for animals sometimes more than people (animals ARE his family)
-doesn't want children
-rides a harley
-is independent
-moved in with me and is cool with the commute to CT
-never complains about the commute
-never complains about my family

A FEW MORE:
-loves me for me
-loves my body and tattoos
-loves my bunny, poops
-would give me anything that is his
-would be there for me, no matter what
-I can be myself around him

Happy Ending to Cellphone Hacking

Since my last post, I did tell off CT boy, aka Triple B, and told him that I looked at his phone and saw that text to that girl and basically told him to go fuck himself. (Even though you guys told me not to tell him I looked at his phone, it just came out in the heat of the conversation and I couldn't help it). Well I gave him a second chance and heard him out. We have since then been a very happy COUPLE. Yes..I said it a couple, we are exclusive. Wow, saying the word boyfriend is still hard and strange for me to say. It's been awhile....

I have alot of reasons why I am giving him a second chance. For one, he owned up to what he did and admitted he was flirting with that girl, she lives in California anyway so I'm not all that concerned. (I can't get that mad about flirting anyway, I have done alot worse) He actually admitted he fucked up and said he was wrong for flirting. He begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance. He actually put effort into saying sorry.

Another reason is, not once did he get angry or even question why I looked in his phone. I was so surprised at this. He actually said he was glad I looked at his phone cause it made him realize how he felt about me and it brought us closer together. Also, I was wrong about something I read in his text (the part about me not being good in bed) he showed me his text message and he cleared some things up for me which I misread (because when I was checking his phone in the first place, I had all of 3 seconds cause I was afraid of getting caught, so it made sense that some parts were misunderstood)....Of course he could NOT have been talking about me being bad in bed... I mean really. All this was discussed at length in person. He also admitted to me that I have actually been the BEST lover he has ever had, out of all his past relationships.

In conclusion, I have been through so many bad relationships and been on SOOOO many dates, that I have begun to read people alot better. I have a pretty good judge of character now and after 101 match dates..this guy is different. I think it takes alot for a guy to admit he was wrong and actually say the words "I'm sorry". I find it hard to say these words myself so when a guy does it, well, it's so much more. I have to admit since this happened things between us have been awesome, and I'm not exaggerating. He really makes me happy and I also have to admit that in the bedroom (no we don't do hardcore bondage stuff, but we do get a little kinky) he is far better then anyone else I have been with...and for me that's alot!!! or should I say HUGE!!!!!! (he he)

I just hope things work out and I actually have a relationship last longer than a year!!!

Have a Laugh....

Saw this on a sign and it made me laugh out loud to myself:

*hugs, not drugs*

"Silly kids, Crack is Whack"

The best for last.....

I sent a text message to my girlfriend and I wrote instead of "have a good night"......"HAVE A DICK"!!!! what a typo!!!

So for all reading this....... take care and HAVE A DICK!!!!

no really on me, go have one !!!!!

Not sure what to call this one

I have not updated this thing for awhile. Its funny I read back to where I was going on a date the next day with a match guy with alot of tattoos. Ha fucking funny. I am sitting here remembering this date with tattoo boy. We will call him CT boy cause he lives in CT and its shorter :) I have been dating him since then. Funny huh. Well not too funny cause as usual I was getting a weird vibe and my instincts kicked in to....oh i don't know......check his fucking phone. I swear every time I get the urge to find something out cause there is just something wrong...I find out some shit. I checked his text msgs and I found out some stuff I probably shouldn't have cause here I am back to heartache central again. I saw that he was texting a girl he met a year ago on a website/chatroom called bondage.com. Yes he is into a little Bondage stuff. He likes to tie me up and spank me. Don't get me wrong, I liked it...when it comes to the bedroom, I'm up for trying anything, and by anything I mean anything that doesn't involve blood or serous pain. So anyway, this girl supposedly didn't do it for CT boy when they met in person but they remained friends, and by the way she lives in California. Fucking funny huh!!!

The text msg went something like our (CT Boy and myself) sex life is just casual, and can't be compared to the "connection" CT boy had with bondage bitch. He also said that he was still on bondage.com and was chatting it up one night at 130am, I got that from the text msg time stamp. Then the best was (and what hurt the most) that he said he was "not falling in love with me so he was going to put in for some job" I guess he plans on moving. Who knows what that means, all I know is that felt like a knife in my heart. To explain a little: I was no where at a point where I felt love for CT boy but I did feel like we were at least heading in the same direction together. I didn't think there was anything lacking in the bedroom either. For all you girls who really know me, I am by no means a prude in the bedroom. For shits sake, I have a VCH, tattoos in places that really hurt, I have outfits, toys up the whazoo, and I love anal sex. Now how in the world is that just average. I swallow and I'm not grossed out by it. I am a very sexual person and I am very open minded to trying new things. I have NEVER had any complaints in this area, NEVER, as a matter of fact the only complaint (well this isn't even a complaint) I have ever had was that I wanted sex too much. I could wear a guy out and diminish his "fluids". LOL!!!! So where in the hell does this guy get off????

After talking about this entire issue at length with my girlfriends, I can take a step back and look at this with different glasses on. He was definitely trying to keep this girls attention and make her feel special somehow, I mean we all do that. This was a typical flirt tactic used by men to keep a girl interested and feeling good about herself. I guess cause we all feel good when we flirt and are flirted with. We all enjoy compliments..I mean who doesn't. So I am not that upset about this that much.

As far as everything else, well, I confronted him and he at first denied it, then when I told him flat out that I read his text msgs, he just apologized and said that he did not mean it to sound the way it did. I somehow was taking it the wrong way, but then after I told him off and made him feel really really bad, I hung up on him and told him to not call me anymore. I then got a few text msgs later on that said he understood why I felt the way I did, he fucked up and couldn't be more sorry. He also said that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he realizes that. He said he would do anything to get me back, anything, and that the thought of losing me was tearing him apart!!

I have to admit I enjoy the fact that he is trying so hard to get me back. I like the effort cause these days guys put zero effort into anything. When its new, guys just walk away at the first sign of a problem, they just ignore it turn it off and move on. This is done when the relationship is still new and there is little time invested. Guys are the exact same way even when there IS TIME invested. They don't want to fight, they don't want the drama and instead of putting effort into showing that they actually give a shit about you, they usually just go into silent mode or just ignore the problem like its not there. Its easier and lazier to do that then actually show feelings, emotions and EFFORT.

So when I find a guy this early on that is putting more effort than I could ever imagine, it just feels so good. I am not saying I forgive what he wrote or that he is right in what he said in any way, but the lack of effort out there is frightening. I have agreed to hear him out cause, to be honest, I would like some answers. My mind functions in a very analytical way. For every action there is a reason for this action. There is always a reason for things and I can't sleep sometimes when I can't figure something out. Yes, sometimes it just is what it is, pure stupidity and selfishness but for this one, there is some reason.

I have to explain a little about CT boy. This is probably why I started to like him so much in the first place. I said in that previous post when I was first going a date with him, that I was giving him a shot cause there was just something about his pics and his profile that got my attention. He had something different in his pics, in his smile, in his face. After getting to know him a little, he did have something different about him. He had this vulnerable side that he tried to hide all the time. He is a broken soul. He has been detached from love cause he has no family ties and no one had ever cared about him growing up. He kind of raised himself. He is divorced and I can tell that his divorce has created alot of scars. All of this I can determine not from what he says, he doesn't talk about it like he needs a pity party, just talks about it with ZERO emotion. He is sort of like a foster child that has been shit on his whole life. He has also met girls and dated girls with no substance, flaky airhead girls...um I mean really bondage.com ?? Ok whatever. I see things in him that I can relate too. He has a broken heart and a broken soul and looks for pleasure in sex and weird shit. He thinks being into this kind of lifestyle will help his pain go away. I know this is some deep shit but I can be deep, I have a deep side. I am attracted to him and at the same time I want to help him heal. I want to show him that there are still good people in this world...yes yes I know when I like someone I'm in all the way, I jump in head first with my heart open and that's why I get hurt cause I let guys in too fast. I give it 110% all the way, head first, jump in, but that's just me, I'm a passionate person. I care to much sometimes but I'm not weak or naive. I know that. I can relate to his feelings cause I feel broken sometimes. I look for men that have qualities of my father cause hes not here anymore, I look for love from men who sometimes I know aren't right for me, I run into directions I should be running away from. I know this now so I know how to make better decisions. But I know that because of childhood experiences, I look for love in good sex. I associate the 2 together. If I connect with someone sexually I think I love them. But in this case, CT boy has me outbeat in the sex area. He has some kinky stuff that I have never been exposed to and this is why I am intrigued and interested. This is a first for me with a guy who is more sexual then I am, this guy makes me look like a nun. Well I won't go that far but it was funny. Anyway, I have a lot of painful experiences from childhood and so does he, which is the reason I am giving him a chance to explain and possibly a chance at being a good boyfriend to me.

Anyway, CT boy has alot of emotional issues he has to deal with, maybe therapy or something, which he already said he is willing to do. He said he wants more than a casual relationship with me and wants to show me that he cares and wants to open up to me. He knows that I have only been good to him, that I'm a beautiful person inside and out. This whole text thing has made him realize all this and also realize his feelings for me. He said he does admit that he said he was not in love yet, but he does care about me a whole lot, more than he wanted to admit, even to himself. I can respect that cause I am not falling in love with him either but I was willing to see what could happen.

I am not sure yet what my final answer is with him, but for now I am gong to give him the chance to talk to me about it and get some answers.... hopefully.

another TOOL!!

The guy in post named "one out of 3 ain't bad", the guy who I just didn't really like although I took him to a bar where my brother was and sang Karaoke, the same guy I was nice enough to be honest with, just wrote me through match and said:


"you should show that tattoo in some pics as that would be a deal breaker for most.....yuck..."

This from a guy whose screen name for match is travelincuddlin...what a serious TOOL!!!

For some reason though, even though I have no interest in this guy whatsoever, I was angry a little when I read this. He was so upset I didn't like him and so upset he "spent alot of money on me that night for it to not go anywhere" that's exactly what he said to me...for him to be mean and write me something so stupid and immature. I feel like writing back oh yeah and I think your a big doody head!!!! I mean really, I am so glad I didn't give this guy a second shot, I guess my instincts are getting better.

Just to add, I have seen Superman/tattoo boy about 6 times now and I am starting to really I mean really like him. We have not slept together yet and I am leaving for Georgia tomorrow, so we can't sleep together till I get back, which is March 19th. I am so excited cause he has a very nice size pee pee (yes, I saw it...just cause we haven't slept together yet doesn't mean I haven't seen his pee pee) So its a perfect size, good girth and I can't wait to do the horizontal hokey pokey with him. He is soooo adorable, respectful, cute and a really good kisser. I like that he has the 5 things I require in someone: Not in law enforcement, no baggage, doesn't want kids, rides a Harley, and is tall and cute. After Buffalo boy I can't ever date someone with kids again or date a midget again..LOL

So far so GOOD with tattoo boy and by the way.......he loves my tattoos....so Travelincuddlin can go suck an egg!!!!!

I am also starting to not call Dave (Cali boy) as much or answer my phone as much, so Dave, all in all, has been less and less on my mind....this is also really really good thing for me.

Fucking amazing

I looked back at my posts from last year and in September of 2008, I wrote about a guy I called a meathead that thought I was a dude and couldn't understand that I didn't work for the FBI. Well this same guy that left me with a high five and "Ill see ya", just contacted me again through match and wrote me an email that said: "How are you" thats it. Can you believe almost 6 months later and he has the balls to write me and say just that !!! What a tool!!! Speaking of the word tool, where did that term come from.... how did a douche bag guy come to mean the same as a tool??? Just something I started thinking about recently. Tools fix things and are usually helpfull and can be relied on?? Definitely not the same as a fucking jackass douche !!!! Weird huh.

One out of Three Ain't bad

Out of a 3 day weekend. I had a date on Friday, he met me after work and from his pics he reminded me of a guy I work with, which means he was cute in his own way and for that I gave this guy a shot. He was very nice and sweet. Not at all what I'm attracted to :) But I felt like doing something fun and spontaneous and since he was cool, just not cute, I asked him if he wanted to go to a bar in Long Island, where my brother and his friends would be, singing Karaoke. I happen to love Karaoke and I love listening to my brother sing, so I figured kill 2 birds, take 'nice but not cute guy' with me and no harm no fowl. We both have a good time and I had a designated driver since I knew I would be getting hammered cause this guy was not cute and I am still hung up on Dave, so since I needed to blow off some steam and just drink my thoughts away, that was a perfect idea to me.
Friday, I had a blast, sang my heart out and drank myself into a stupor, I just didn't feel any attraction towards this guy. But hey, he met my brother, was into the Karaoke and had a blast as well, probably the best night of his life. I was honest and told him the very next day that even though I had fun I just wasn't attracted to him, and yes I used those words. I know... not like me to be that honest, but I wanted to tell him how I felt and not do to him, what guy after guy has done to me. He didn't take it that great and had the nerve to say "but I spent more money that night then I have, and for you to tell me you don't like me is messed up" Ok, I understand the fact that hearing what I said was not pleasant but don't tell me you spent money and got nothing out of it, I never asked him to buy me drinks all night and I didn't tell him to get food at the Karaoke bar, he was the hungry one, I just got an appetizer... Whenever a guy brings money up in a negative way, I am even more turned off...I wanted to say to him, "listen you cheap mother fucker, do you expect a girl to want you just based on your looks, get that fuckin mole removed from your bald ass head and lose some weight and maybe you might be decent at that point so shut the fuck up about spending money on a date, your a guy remember and to have a good time you have to spend some cash, shit doesn't happen for free." Since when did guys get so fucking cheap anyway ??? Spending more money than you have, for fucks sake he spent as much as anyone does in a bar on a Friday night having fun. Nothing excessive and nothing crazy, its not liked he spent a grand on a lap dance or something, to say he got nothing out of it. Whatever guy...your a tool now too!!!

Saturday I had a date with a guy I went out with last week. the last of the last possible dates. (just to add I finally gave in and renewed my match subscription for 6 months, if I don't meet anyone in 6 months I get another 6 months for free, that's alot of dates and alot of writing on this blog he he!!) This guy is intriguing...He has alot of tattoos and for some reason reminds me of Braid's fiance.... He is sweet and has alot of qualities I want in someone. He has a god job (too hard to explain), tattoos, is tall and has manly hands, can fix things and is somewhat of a computer geek. He likes my tattoos which is key and we had our second date which I guess is good. We kissed and he is a good kisser too. He kind of reminds me of Steve Reeves in Superman, but he is cuter and has a cool style about him, like Dave (Cali boy), cool jeans with lucky/affliction/vintage type shirts and he wore a Harley sweatshirt Saturday, which is soooo my style. Oh and he rides a Harley too!!! So far so good, I like him and now its the when to sleep with him game...God I hope he is circumsized... I just can't get past that these days, its such a turn off for me. I am supposed to see him tonight, its Monday the day of the snow storm, he is driving out to me. He lives in CT, which, in the past would have deterred me but after Cali Dave I'll take it in a heartbeat!!! Shit, CT is only 45 min away, thats alot better than 2,800 miles away (yes I googled it). Funny cause in the past Jersey was like another country to me, now I'll take anything in the tri-state area. So we will see what happens with that.

Sunday I got stood up by a another match tool. I have been stood up like 5 times, I don't get it, why call and text and call and text and say I really really want to meet you and then just flake and not call. We spoke Sunday morning around 11am and he said lets do brunch, I'll touch base with you around 3pm and we will see where we are at. I was with my cousins that morning so I told him brunch was perfect for me too. 3pm came and went and around 4 pm I texted him and said whats up? how are you making out (he had some shit to do that day) and I got NOTHING in return, no text, email, call, smoke signal or carrier pigeon...What a tool. Another guys number I deleted from my phone immediately.

I just want to be happy, and find someone who cares about me as much as I care about them. Its really simple, happiness and love, that's all I want. Happiness includes doing things together, fun things that we have in common, and laughing together. That's important to me, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I want someone to accept me for who I am (tattoos and all) and enjoy life. Mutual love is the second important thing. That's it!!! I guess Cali boy has to realize that for himself and hopefully he finds that someday. The fact that I can move forward cause I was honest about my feelings and honest about moving on, helps me to keep my head up.

Onto my date for the evening....oh yeah and another glass of wine!!!!