A recap of my weekend!!

So Thursday (When I was supposed to have "the talk about a commitment and not a committed penis...") came and went. No text, email, phone call, smoke signal or carrier pigeon occurred on Thursday. I was pissed, but surprisingly enough not as mad as I usually get or have gotten in the past. Maybe because I was planning on breaking off things with him anyway..who knows. But what did PISS me off was the text I got come Friday afternoon. He had the cajones to text me "Hey stranger" and thats it. What the fuck is that about ??? He stands me up and now I'M the stranger??? The more I date, I swear, the more confusing guys are to me. Then come Friday night I get a voicemail (cause I refuse to answer the phone for him) and he is like "whats going on???, I want to make plans with you...give me call...and some bullshit in between the bullshit. I ignore. Come Saturday he calls again, yep another voicemail. Now he is like I don't know if your mad at me but please give me a call I want to see whats going on....yadda yadda yadda. Now I have my balls twisted and I decide to write him an email through match. This is what I wrote:

Jason,
"These days I just find it easier to write my feelings rather than over the phone or in person. I have not answered my phone basically because I don't feel as though we are looking for the same things. We had 2 really good dates but after the third date I feel as though you are only looking for sex or some kind of booty call. I want to get to know you, as a person, because I like you, a lot, which is why I don't want to see You only for sex. Don't get me wrong I don't regret anything and your probably one of the best kissers I have ever met, but I am looking for something, whatever that may mean, a relationship, etc. Your a fireman and I'm sure you meet a lot of girls who want to sleep with you, but I am not looking for that. I also don't appreciate making plans with you and then you standing me up. My time is valuable to me and when you do something like that it shows how you really feel. If I am wrong let me know, if I am right, no hard feelings and good luck with match and finding someone out there, it is tough to find someone nice these days. " (yeah I through in the nice part just to make him realize what he is missing and that I am a nice person whom he chose to be a dick to)

Jason wrote back and said:

"I want you to know I am not looking for a booty call and I definalty dont want a girl who likes me just because I am a fireman. I am looking for something more substanial than that. As for breaking plans I am sorry. My life is a little crazy. I dont work a 9-5 schedule and have things that come up. Usually tyring to help a freind at work. I like you. I think your a very intersting and fun and have a lot of the quailties that I am looking for. I didnt want the last time we were together to be about sex. Sorry if it came off that way. I hated running out that night but if you saw and smelled what I had to deal with when i got home you would understand! haha. I would like to still see you and we can slow things down a little if need be. I still need to get you out on that bike a little. Hopefully you'll givve me a chance to. Again I'm sorry if you feel that you wasted your time or actually I wasted your time. Hopefully you will forgive me and we can see each other again. Jason"

I wrote back that I would think about it and that he needs not to explain about how BUSY he is with his stupid job, I said you don't have to tell me, my job is just as crazy as yours if not crazier. I had to throw that in, cause I'll be damned if a fireman tells me his job is CRAZIER than a big bad FBI AGENT such as myself.... He He !! So this email thing happened on Sunday (yesterday). I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

Now as far as the other phone call I got on Wednesday from Yankee boy who wants my forgiveness as well... He really needs a kick in his ass. I told him the same thing, that I would think about it and would call him Thursday. I did call and he answered and told me he would call me right back. He never did. I text him later that night that for someone who wanted a second chance he really doesn't act like it. He finally text me the next morning at like 7am (Friday, the day I had my doctor's apt.) Apologizing again about how it was 9-11 and he got drunk and his phone sucks and oh yeah the dog ate his homework and his grandmother died !!! I don't get guys ??? They really don't have a clue what "trying" means to us girls. "Trying" for them is like...well at least I called the next day to explain...."Trying" to us means call when you say your gonna call and if your phone sucks get a new one or call from a hardline....Don't come up with the excuses if you are really trying hard to win me back and get a second chance!!! So after a few texts back and forth he says I'm sorry again another 5 times or so and says he wants to make plans for Sunday. Guess what...Sunday came and went and no phone call or text. I'm done with that nonsense. No more answering the phone for a douche, once a douche always a douche!!!

So now that leaves me with Caleb. Yes he is sort of back and we have had alot of talks hashing out all the things that bothered me about him. Friday he offerred to take me to the doctor, but my brother took me instead. Come Friday night he asked me if I needed anything, I said no and then he asked if he could take me out to get dinner. (I was surprised and pleased at the same time, the way he asked if he could take me out..) He also asked me to go out with his friends to Montauk Saturday night till Sunday, but I couldn't. But while he was there I got the phone call at midnight where all his friends got on the phone and told me that I should be there and that Caleb misses me :) Caleb also got on the phone himself and said he missed me and that he wished I could sleep next to him that night. Yeah I know how cute... (I think I even threw up in my mouth a little) Then he asked me to come to his uncle's going away dinner Sunday. His uncle (whom I have met before) is moving to South Carolina and his mom and grandmother and family would be there and they asked for me to come. (I just threw up again) So I went and it was very nice. Once again I felt like part of the family and his grandmother is so sweet to me. It's also weird cause I feel like we are GF and BF, but we're not, but when I'm with him it always feels that way. I also asked him if he was going to turn into a douche again once I started to like him again? He said no of course not, he answered that he has a better grasp on his time managment skills and that he was going to be different with me this time around. He also said that he likes spending time with me and always wants to spend his free time with me.... I do feel as though I am starting to like him like I used to, but I will continue to proceed with caution....baby steps and we will just see what happens I guess. It's just nice to spend time with someone who I know likes spending time with me and him telling me more than once that he respects me...means so much these days. No other guy match or otherwise has told me that...forget about showing it I haven't had a guy actually showed me he respected me since Brent, and that was only in the beginning. So even though I am unsure, I still feel that if I'm choosing to spend my time with someone who has SHOWED me he cares, its not a loss either way. I do like Caleb I always have. Braids said she feels as though Caleb is like my Mr. BIG... I can see that !!!

It's 830 pm and I thought I had a date with the fireman.

Ok so for all of you (I really mean the 2 of you) who have read my last post, I really like this guy from Match who is a Fireman. Right off the bat I should proceed with caution. But I like him with clothes and without. I like that he rides and wears those cute black and white All Star sneakers. I like that he is single with no baggage (divorced but no baggage). I like that he can hold a conversation and can FIX things...Ahh yes a man that can use his hands !!! Well on Sat I texted him asking when he was free to do something. He said maybe Monday (I know I know I got the maybe thing from him) so I said ok let me know. Its Monday and I am going to quote my phone:
4:05pm "Whats up hotness?"
I say "not much got home from work a little while ago"
4:17pm "Not much workin. Might grab a bottle of wine at home later if your interested. Call you when I get home to let you know for sure"
I say "ok let me know, wow I get to finally C ur place, but only as long as you take the garbage out" (a personal stupid joke I had with him the last time I saw him)
4:21pm "Already done so I won't have that inturrupt our night" (Now that's 2 idiots that can't spell the same word, him and Caleb !! What a buffoon)
I say "good"
So now its 830pm and he just called. He basically said he got home from work late and is exhausted. But doesn't have work tomorrow. So I say as he yawns in my hear 3 times now, I take it you want to cancel. So he says yeah I'm sorry but what are your doing Thursday ? I say I'm not sure (I have Nothing to do ever EVEN!) So he says if your free lets do something then. I say I have a doctors appointment on...wait no that's Friday...yeah I'm free Thursday. (I only said it like this so it does look like I actually have things going on sometimes) So he says, oh ok whats wrong that your going to the doctor. I say he is going to stick a camera down my throat to see whats wrong with my stomach Friday morning. (this is true Friday 7am I am going under and a tube with a camera will slide down my esophagus..oh boy can't wait) So he says oh that sucks. He starts trying to tell me things that might upset my stomach like not to drink Pop (that's Soda for us common folk) or Coffee. (Ok I know that genius!!! Your not a doctor the one I'm going to see Friday is!!) Then I start to make conversation and tell him about my day with the naked porn freak and that I woke up at 330am this morning. I also added in that I should go to bed anyway and catch up on sleep, and it was like he really wasn't listening. I am getting the feeling that he is not interested in ME. Why would anyone not be interested in ME? I am not sure but the "BOOK" says to trust my gut..and I believe this guy only wants one thing and that's not getting to know ME or my mom, gay brother, or my eccentric grandmother. He doesn't care if I'm liberal or if I wear mens underwear to bed or if I would accept and approve the marriage between Poops and Norman. I don't think he ever asked me anything personal besides our first date. I mean I don't ask him mega questions either, but I think I'm obvious that I want to get to know HIM better. Plus, it has not been an appropriate time to talk about our lives or stuff like that, lets see we bowled the second night and well the last time we didn't say a whole lot to each other cause our lips were glued together.

So, here is my game plan:
Not calling him at all. Come Thursday if and when he texts me or calls I will suggest we go out, like for dinner or somewhere we could hold a conversation. If he is like just come over and lets drink wine.. I am going to go over there and simply tell him in person that I am "just not that into" this kind of relationship..I am looking for more which is why I specifically said in my profile that I am looking for someone who wants a commitment !!! Not a committed penis to my vagina on HIS time schedule. So what do you think girls??? I know I could say this over the phone but I want to have the chance to see his face and read his reaction better. Only cause I do like him alot. But only if the "like" is reciprocated. I am going to go to bed now and try to catch up on some sleep. I guess its me and Mr. Vino for the rest of the evening.

Another bad date!!!

I know its been a while since I last wrote, around a month actually. I have had one date since my last post about a date, a fireman, whom I like very much but doesn't call enough, text enough, or make plans enough. (or should I say Even!!) Anyway 3 dates with the fireman and I have realized that he is of course attracted to me but I don't know if I have the potential in his mind to be a girlfriend. Of course he should be looking for a relationship since he is on match...duh!!! but I don't get that feeling for some reason. I just hate the fact that the ones I have dated that I liked (which was only 2 so far) have either been caught at a bar kissing another girl, or this guy who is showing the signs of "he is just not that into me". I hate dating I have quoted Charlotte from Sex and the City so many times: "I am in my thirties and have been dating for at least 15 years and I am exhausted !!! I am so tired of dating, where is HE already????" I know I know I am still young and shouldn't be thinking that way, but I do.

So as far as the date tonight...where should I start. He looked (once again) nothing like his pics. He looked like a meathead, a guy who spends all day in the gym and doesn't know how to be himself. He was a big guy with a really bad hair cut, it was all pushed up on one side and the other was smushed in like he was just sleeping in a papoose!!! He had a muscle T-shirt on with jeans and was just NOT MY TYPE. When he asked me what I did I tried to explain ICE and what a federal agent was. He apparently has only seen movies about the FBI cause he couldn't understand the difference between FBI and well ALL the other federal agencies there are in existence. So when I said ICE, or Customs he said "oh yeah Customs...so can you smuggle some drugs for me ha ha huh" I hate when people say that and think its funny. Then 5 min later he asked if I carried a gun, when I said yes he said " Oh yeah thats right FBI agents carry guns" so I corrected him again !!! Finally he said something about his friend who is a cop and told me that he would not have met up with me tonight if I were a cop because "all cops sleep with everyone, they are all fucking everybody" I had to correct him again and now I used as an example my girlfriend who is a long island cop and explained that not all girls who are cops fuck everyone. Then another 5 min later he referred to me as some big bad FBI fed girl who has alot of tattoos and who he pictured riding a motorcycle, but I was cute to his standards. I did not correct him this time because now I was thinking about how to bail as soon as possible!!! Then (yes it gets better) he starts to talk about how he goes to the gym alot (what a shocker) and then starts to show me how he can flex his chest muscles. So I of course tell him how I'm not impressed because I could do the same thing. He says "no way, no you can't, I don't believe you".
I hate being dared cause now I have to prove it. So I flex my chest muscles the way I know how too with no effort on my part. He is stunned, almost falls of his chair and says "Oh my god I have never seen a girl do that ever in my life, it figures an FBI agent could do that!!! Can you do that again...and by the way do you have an Adam's apple?? Cause only a guy could do that, not a girl, I swear I have never seen a girl do that ever before, no way is that possible!!!" So now I am an FBI agent who is a drag queen, a girl with balls..I am really A MAN BABY!!!

This guy was serious and I couldn't believe he really wanted to know if I was really a dude. So this date ended shortly thereafter, with a comment that he figured I drove a truck...cause I am really a dude..with nice cleavage...yes, I forgot, he really said that too. Bad date number something and I am so fucking frustrated its getting sad and hopeless. I hope my prince charming is out there somewhere?? Who knows maybe I am a dude deep down with boobs. Just kidding I am going to finish my thought on dating tomorrow.