The best song ever !!!!

I have just realized that after my last post, there is a song that was made to describe my life right now!!! The song is by Beyonce, called "If I were a boy". I feel like its my life to an exact T, I replayed it 50 times. I actually feel really good about it, it made my day so much better, since I was having a bad day to begin with. I have to say when it comes to boys I really don't give a FUCK anymore.

I found out over the weekend my ex, Buffalo Boy, is engaged. Not only that but he got engaged to a girl he said he would never date ever !! Even if we ever broke up cause she was "a Psycho". NOT!!!! I guess all boys are liars!!! In case it looks like I care I don't. I can be a bigger person than he ever was and say wholeheartedly that I am truly happy for him and the Psycho. Funny story: she told him once while we were dating that she "loved him to death" which is way more than I ever did so good for them...happily ever after Brent and the Psycho.

I also have not heard from the fireman in a week now, and that's a long time for him not to call or text even!!! (LOL on the even!!) so I guess he is done with me....Wait I mean I am done with him!!!! He was a loser who couldn't get it up the last time we were together so he was not a loss by any means. Yes, I said it!!! Not to mention I wore my infamous school girl outfit for him which has always worked to my advantage in the past, and when I wore it for him, well... "IT" couldn't get up for me. I was going to give him a second chance to overcome HIS problem (yes his problem, not mine) but that never happened, so we never actually slept together...not a true loss in my book of "Being a playa".

Don't hate the playa hate the game..its called match.com!!!

Sorry it's been so long!!

I know I have not posted anything in a while. Sorry to all of my friends who still read this.

Since my last post I have still been on and off with the fireman, kind of using him I guess even though we haven't actually slept together. I can't seem to cut him off completely cause he is so damn cute!!! Anyway as long as I'm not getting hurt right..right!!

So Caleb, another matter that I have recently had to deal with...My relationship with him has been a roller coaster..we go up and down with good days and bad ones. Kind of like we're "married with children" already. But this last week has topped the cake for me. So, where do I begin. Since he has been hounding me for what seems like years now about the fact that I don't cook, I started taking cooking classes. I feel like I have really made some headway in the kitchen. So much that I actually made Caleb dinner Sunday night. He said it was awesome!!! Linguini Puttanesca with asparagus, bread and salad. I really did make an impressive spread for someone who only took 4 cooking classes so far. I have to rewind a bit, I also went to a total of 4 different stores on 2 different occasions to help fix Caleb's cell phone, over the past 2 weeks. Just pointing out how much I have gone out of my way for him.

Ok, so Sunday, I pick him up (cause he got drunk with his buddies the night before and got a lift home so he did not have a car) bring him to my house, while he sleeps on my couch I cook, wake his ass up to eat, he says he loves my cooking, he goes back to sleep for a little and then asks me to drive him back home so he can do stuff..Weird, I say, "your not sleeping over?" He says no he can't he has too much to do. As I drive him home he says he will call me the next day (Monday) to make plans for the week...

Monday...nothing

Tuesday...nothing

Wednesday...nothing, so I finally call him and leave a message. I call again one more time before I go to bed. no answer.

Thursday...I call him in the morning and leave him a very confused / please call me back and tell me whats wrong voicemail.. nothing

So, come Thursday on my way home from work, I go to his house. He is there with some guy that's measuring the borders for his windows. (In case I never mentioned it before, he is remodeling his entire house and making another level and doing lots of shit to it) I ask him whats wrong and why he hasn't returned my calls, he says he has been busy, has a cold, and is really sick and is sorry. I say too busy to call ??? Even after my last voicemail. He says he never got it. Liar!!!! I checked his phone and I know he got it (yes, I know his password and made sure he got my message) I look at him with the most confused look on my face...He says repeatedly that he is really busy and asks me if he could call me later. I ask "why can't you talk to me now, I'm not looking for an hour of drama, just 5 minutes". He tells me again that he needs to call me later and that he can't stop what he was doing at that moment, I say "Well, I guess I don't have a choice, do I " and he says "I WILL CALL YOU LATER DEANA" with that snarky tone that is sooooooo condescending that it makes me want to poke his eyes out and punch him in the balls.

I leave and guess what, no phone call...

This guy has a set on him bigger than I ever imagined. BALLS THE SIZE OF ???

So I text him at 1251am (same night) cause I am so pissed off. This is what I wrote in a text:

Thanks for calling me back tonight and giving me a reason for your actions. Don't ever call me again! You have succeeded in acting like an asshole so now go fuck yourself.

No response, but I wasn't surprised. Since this was stirring up my insides all night and the next day and no response, I also sent him an email via match.com, since I know he is on it cause I got a stupid "guess I was right email" on that thing. Basically I told him I was off it and he told me he cancelled his subscription and well we were both still on it and then he emails me and says I should have been honest with him, when he was just as guilty as me.

Anyway, I wrote him this, on match.com:

So since you are on this and I know you check it, I wanted to make sure you got my text message last night, just in case you didn't read my text message to your cell phone at 1251am, October 17, 2008. You know the phone I helped you fix and wasted my time going to 3 different stores to get you a new battery so that YOU had a cell phone that worked. I guess it works now but not for me.
I came to your house twice, picked you up on Sunday, made dinner, and drove you home too...this is the thanks I get, not even a phone call..well the text was this:Thanks for calling me back tonight and giving me a reason for your actions (that would be ignoring me). Don't bother to call me now or ever again, you lost your chance with me. You have succeeded in acting like an asshole, immature as well cause you can't talk to me, so now go fuck yourself.
Deana

I think he will get the point now, and as far as for me..I'm ok. I needed closure and now I feel better. I didn't really want a boyfriend, well, I didn't really want HIM as a boyfriend. I really am starting to like my life, as a single "do what the fuck I want girl". I am really starting to enjoy being single and I am not sad at all about it. I guess I'm really growing up and realizing what kind of woman I am. I also am perfect, now that I can cook, I'm flawless LOL!!! That was the only gripe Caleb had with me and now he doesn't have shit. I feel really good about my life, I have no one to answer to, no one to tell me what to do or how to live my life, no one to hold me back from anything. I can fuck whoever I want whenever I want, pick up and go on any kind of vacation I want, drink when I want and the best part is no one can tell me different. I have absolutley no care in the world or any worries whatsoever. I love my life, I went from being lonely and sad sometimes to feeling free of any bullshit from anyone. I can honestly say I would not want to change a thing, I absolutely don't want a useless boyfriend or a nagging husband...forget about kids they are just NOT for me. I don't mind if I live my life this way till I die, I don't need anyone. I have alot of friends so I am never bored, I have a family that loves me, cousins that look up to me, and a brother who is always there for me, besides my friends. I have a good fucking job, no worries financially, and I am always going on vacation. Why would I complain.

Lesson of the day: For me, as long as I have good sex with no strings attached once in a while I am set for life, Men are only "needed when needed". I have become a dude !!!! With boobs of course!!!

A recap of my weekend!!

So Thursday (When I was supposed to have "the talk about a commitment and not a committed penis...") came and went. No text, email, phone call, smoke signal or carrier pigeon occurred on Thursday. I was pissed, but surprisingly enough not as mad as I usually get or have gotten in the past. Maybe because I was planning on breaking off things with him anyway..who knows. But what did PISS me off was the text I got come Friday afternoon. He had the cajones to text me "Hey stranger" and thats it. What the fuck is that about ??? He stands me up and now I'M the stranger??? The more I date, I swear, the more confusing guys are to me. Then come Friday night I get a voicemail (cause I refuse to answer the phone for him) and he is like "whats going on???, I want to make plans with you...give me call...and some bullshit in between the bullshit. I ignore. Come Saturday he calls again, yep another voicemail. Now he is like I don't know if your mad at me but please give me a call I want to see whats going on....yadda yadda yadda. Now I have my balls twisted and I decide to write him an email through match. This is what I wrote:

Jason,
"These days I just find it easier to write my feelings rather than over the phone or in person. I have not answered my phone basically because I don't feel as though we are looking for the same things. We had 2 really good dates but after the third date I feel as though you are only looking for sex or some kind of booty call. I want to get to know you, as a person, because I like you, a lot, which is why I don't want to see You only for sex. Don't get me wrong I don't regret anything and your probably one of the best kissers I have ever met, but I am looking for something, whatever that may mean, a relationship, etc. Your a fireman and I'm sure you meet a lot of girls who want to sleep with you, but I am not looking for that. I also don't appreciate making plans with you and then you standing me up. My time is valuable to me and when you do something like that it shows how you really feel. If I am wrong let me know, if I am right, no hard feelings and good luck with match and finding someone out there, it is tough to find someone nice these days. " (yeah I through in the nice part just to make him realize what he is missing and that I am a nice person whom he chose to be a dick to)

Jason wrote back and said:

"I want you to know I am not looking for a booty call and I definalty dont want a girl who likes me just because I am a fireman. I am looking for something more substanial than that. As for breaking plans I am sorry. My life is a little crazy. I dont work a 9-5 schedule and have things that come up. Usually tyring to help a freind at work. I like you. I think your a very intersting and fun and have a lot of the quailties that I am looking for. I didnt want the last time we were together to be about sex. Sorry if it came off that way. I hated running out that night but if you saw and smelled what I had to deal with when i got home you would understand! haha. I would like to still see you and we can slow things down a little if need be. I still need to get you out on that bike a little. Hopefully you'll givve me a chance to. Again I'm sorry if you feel that you wasted your time or actually I wasted your time. Hopefully you will forgive me and we can see each other again. Jason"

I wrote back that I would think about it and that he needs not to explain about how BUSY he is with his stupid job, I said you don't have to tell me, my job is just as crazy as yours if not crazier. I had to throw that in, cause I'll be damned if a fireman tells me his job is CRAZIER than a big bad FBI AGENT such as myself.... He He !! So this email thing happened on Sunday (yesterday). I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.

Now as far as the other phone call I got on Wednesday from Yankee boy who wants my forgiveness as well... He really needs a kick in his ass. I told him the same thing, that I would think about it and would call him Thursday. I did call and he answered and told me he would call me right back. He never did. I text him later that night that for someone who wanted a second chance he really doesn't act like it. He finally text me the next morning at like 7am (Friday, the day I had my doctor's apt.) Apologizing again about how it was 9-11 and he got drunk and his phone sucks and oh yeah the dog ate his homework and his grandmother died !!! I don't get guys ??? They really don't have a clue what "trying" means to us girls. "Trying" for them is like...well at least I called the next day to explain...."Trying" to us means call when you say your gonna call and if your phone sucks get a new one or call from a hardline....Don't come up with the excuses if you are really trying hard to win me back and get a second chance!!! So after a few texts back and forth he says I'm sorry again another 5 times or so and says he wants to make plans for Sunday. Guess what...Sunday came and went and no phone call or text. I'm done with that nonsense. No more answering the phone for a douche, once a douche always a douche!!!

So now that leaves me with Caleb. Yes he is sort of back and we have had alot of talks hashing out all the things that bothered me about him. Friday he offerred to take me to the doctor, but my brother took me instead. Come Friday night he asked me if I needed anything, I said no and then he asked if he could take me out to get dinner. (I was surprised and pleased at the same time, the way he asked if he could take me out..) He also asked me to go out with his friends to Montauk Saturday night till Sunday, but I couldn't. But while he was there I got the phone call at midnight where all his friends got on the phone and told me that I should be there and that Caleb misses me :) Caleb also got on the phone himself and said he missed me and that he wished I could sleep next to him that night. Yeah I know how cute... (I think I even threw up in my mouth a little) Then he asked me to come to his uncle's going away dinner Sunday. His uncle (whom I have met before) is moving to South Carolina and his mom and grandmother and family would be there and they asked for me to come. (I just threw up again) So I went and it was very nice. Once again I felt like part of the family and his grandmother is so sweet to me. It's also weird cause I feel like we are GF and BF, but we're not, but when I'm with him it always feels that way. I also asked him if he was going to turn into a douche again once I started to like him again? He said no of course not, he answered that he has a better grasp on his time managment skills and that he was going to be different with me this time around. He also said that he likes spending time with me and always wants to spend his free time with me.... I do feel as though I am starting to like him like I used to, but I will continue to proceed with caution....baby steps and we will just see what happens I guess. It's just nice to spend time with someone who I know likes spending time with me and him telling me more than once that he respects me...means so much these days. No other guy match or otherwise has told me that...forget about showing it I haven't had a guy actually showed me he respected me since Brent, and that was only in the beginning. So even though I am unsure, I still feel that if I'm choosing to spend my time with someone who has SHOWED me he cares, its not a loss either way. I do like Caleb I always have. Braids said she feels as though Caleb is like my Mr. BIG... I can see that !!!

It's 830 pm and I thought I had a date with the fireman.

Ok so for all of you (I really mean the 2 of you) who have read my last post, I really like this guy from Match who is a Fireman. Right off the bat I should proceed with caution. But I like him with clothes and without. I like that he rides and wears those cute black and white All Star sneakers. I like that he is single with no baggage (divorced but no baggage). I like that he can hold a conversation and can FIX things...Ahh yes a man that can use his hands !!! Well on Sat I texted him asking when he was free to do something. He said maybe Monday (I know I know I got the maybe thing from him) so I said ok let me know. Its Monday and I am going to quote my phone:
4:05pm "Whats up hotness?"
I say "not much got home from work a little while ago"
4:17pm "Not much workin. Might grab a bottle of wine at home later if your interested. Call you when I get home to let you know for sure"
I say "ok let me know, wow I get to finally C ur place, but only as long as you take the garbage out" (a personal stupid joke I had with him the last time I saw him)
4:21pm "Already done so I won't have that inturrupt our night" (Now that's 2 idiots that can't spell the same word, him and Caleb !! What a buffoon)
I say "good"
So now its 830pm and he just called. He basically said he got home from work late and is exhausted. But doesn't have work tomorrow. So I say as he yawns in my hear 3 times now, I take it you want to cancel. So he says yeah I'm sorry but what are your doing Thursday ? I say I'm not sure (I have Nothing to do ever EVEN!) So he says if your free lets do something then. I say I have a doctors appointment on...wait no that's Friday...yeah I'm free Thursday. (I only said it like this so it does look like I actually have things going on sometimes) So he says, oh ok whats wrong that your going to the doctor. I say he is going to stick a camera down my throat to see whats wrong with my stomach Friday morning. (this is true Friday 7am I am going under and a tube with a camera will slide down my esophagus..oh boy can't wait) So he says oh that sucks. He starts trying to tell me things that might upset my stomach like not to drink Pop (that's Soda for us common folk) or Coffee. (Ok I know that genius!!! Your not a doctor the one I'm going to see Friday is!!) Then I start to make conversation and tell him about my day with the naked porn freak and that I woke up at 330am this morning. I also added in that I should go to bed anyway and catch up on sleep, and it was like he really wasn't listening. I am getting the feeling that he is not interested in ME. Why would anyone not be interested in ME? I am not sure but the "BOOK" says to trust my gut..and I believe this guy only wants one thing and that's not getting to know ME or my mom, gay brother, or my eccentric grandmother. He doesn't care if I'm liberal or if I wear mens underwear to bed or if I would accept and approve the marriage between Poops and Norman. I don't think he ever asked me anything personal besides our first date. I mean I don't ask him mega questions either, but I think I'm obvious that I want to get to know HIM better. Plus, it has not been an appropriate time to talk about our lives or stuff like that, lets see we bowled the second night and well the last time we didn't say a whole lot to each other cause our lips were glued together.

So, here is my game plan:
Not calling him at all. Come Thursday if and when he texts me or calls I will suggest we go out, like for dinner or somewhere we could hold a conversation. If he is like just come over and lets drink wine.. I am going to go over there and simply tell him in person that I am "just not that into" this kind of relationship..I am looking for more which is why I specifically said in my profile that I am looking for someone who wants a commitment !!! Not a committed penis to my vagina on HIS time schedule. So what do you think girls??? I know I could say this over the phone but I want to have the chance to see his face and read his reaction better. Only cause I do like him alot. But only if the "like" is reciprocated. I am going to go to bed now and try to catch up on some sleep. I guess its me and Mr. Vino for the rest of the evening.

Another bad date!!!

I know its been a while since I last wrote, around a month actually. I have had one date since my last post about a date, a fireman, whom I like very much but doesn't call enough, text enough, or make plans enough. (or should I say Even!!) Anyway 3 dates with the fireman and I have realized that he is of course attracted to me but I don't know if I have the potential in his mind to be a girlfriend. Of course he should be looking for a relationship since he is on match...duh!!! but I don't get that feeling for some reason. I just hate the fact that the ones I have dated that I liked (which was only 2 so far) have either been caught at a bar kissing another girl, or this guy who is showing the signs of "he is just not that into me". I hate dating I have quoted Charlotte from Sex and the City so many times: "I am in my thirties and have been dating for at least 15 years and I am exhausted !!! I am so tired of dating, where is HE already????" I know I know I am still young and shouldn't be thinking that way, but I do.

So as far as the date tonight...where should I start. He looked (once again) nothing like his pics. He looked like a meathead, a guy who spends all day in the gym and doesn't know how to be himself. He was a big guy with a really bad hair cut, it was all pushed up on one side and the other was smushed in like he was just sleeping in a papoose!!! He had a muscle T-shirt on with jeans and was just NOT MY TYPE. When he asked me what I did I tried to explain ICE and what a federal agent was. He apparently has only seen movies about the FBI cause he couldn't understand the difference between FBI and well ALL the other federal agencies there are in existence. So when I said ICE, or Customs he said "oh yeah Customs...so can you smuggle some drugs for me ha ha huh" I hate when people say that and think its funny. Then 5 min later he asked if I carried a gun, when I said yes he said " Oh yeah thats right FBI agents carry guns" so I corrected him again !!! Finally he said something about his friend who is a cop and told me that he would not have met up with me tonight if I were a cop because "all cops sleep with everyone, they are all fucking everybody" I had to correct him again and now I used as an example my girlfriend who is a long island cop and explained that not all girls who are cops fuck everyone. Then another 5 min later he referred to me as some big bad FBI fed girl who has alot of tattoos and who he pictured riding a motorcycle, but I was cute to his standards. I did not correct him this time because now I was thinking about how to bail as soon as possible!!! Then (yes it gets better) he starts to talk about how he goes to the gym alot (what a shocker) and then starts to show me how he can flex his chest muscles. So I of course tell him how I'm not impressed because I could do the same thing. He says "no way, no you can't, I don't believe you".
I hate being dared cause now I have to prove it. So I flex my chest muscles the way I know how too with no effort on my part. He is stunned, almost falls of his chair and says "Oh my god I have never seen a girl do that ever in my life, it figures an FBI agent could do that!!! Can you do that again...and by the way do you have an Adam's apple?? Cause only a guy could do that, not a girl, I swear I have never seen a girl do that ever before, no way is that possible!!!" So now I am an FBI agent who is a drag queen, a girl with balls..I am really A MAN BABY!!!

This guy was serious and I couldn't believe he really wanted to know if I was really a dude. So this date ended shortly thereafter, with a comment that he figured I drove a truck...cause I am really a dude..with nice cleavage...yes, I forgot, he really said that too. Bad date number something and I am so fucking frustrated its getting sad and hopeless. I hope my prince charming is out there somewhere?? Who knows maybe I am a dude deep down with boobs. Just kidding I am going to finish my thought on dating tomorrow.

My ex's are getting married!!!

So for all of you who are still readers of my BLOG, I found out something today. One of my dearest ex's, whom I still love in a some way shape or form, and who has also been one of my best friends for the past...oh I dunno...8 years...is FUCKING MARRIED!!!!

He has helped through break up after break up...been there for me through thick and thin...helped me through my FLETC heartbreak (this would be the guy I thought I fell in love with while I was at the academy in Georgia), helped me when I needed a friend at the doctor, helped me when I needed a friend to drive me to the hospital, helped me when I had girl gyno questions (cause his dad is a gynecologist), helped through my break up with Brent and helped me move into my new apartment..even helped me buy HIS OWN truck.. The one I have now, my trailblazer was his. I am so sad, happy for him, sad for me, depressed and defeated... I feel everything all at once. I don't know what else to write about, he got engaged on a Wednesday and Married in City Hall on Friday...and NO his wife is not preggo!!!! Thats what I thought too!!! I am going to go take a long hot bath and sulk with a bottle of wine tonight!!!

All my once single girlfriends are either: married, getting married, or pregnant, and now my single guy friends are no longer single either. He was the only guy friend of mine that has lasted throughout the years and has always been there for me through EVERYTHING...well his picture is off my fridge and now the only guy left up on my fridge is my brother.

J, this is just crazy but I guess long overdue, he was the guy who always said "word up DIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKKK".... You know who!!!

GEEK BOY is a CRIMINAL!!!!

I had the absolute worst weekend of my single life, this past weekend. First is Friday, seeing Yankee boy swap spit with some old ugly chic...CAUGHT!!! Then comes Saturday, I get a phone call from GEEK Boy (who still thinks I'm in Georgia in training..dumb fuck) and so since I was bored at home alone I answer. We chit chat about nonsense, he says how is Georgia, I say its hot, he says how is the training going, I say its boring and did I say its very hot down here!!! Then the conversation takes another direction, he asks me what I would consider a "deal breaker" in the dating world for me. I thought he was just making conversation so I say "Oh, I dunno the usual things....if your married, have kids, lie, or if you have been arrested..." So he gets very quiet and says "are those things really deal breakers for you" I say of course they are, are you crazy...wait a minute...why....are you fucking married!" He says no that's not it at all, I say you fucking have kids...I knew it!!!! He says no no I swear that's not it. So I'm like WTF???? Were you ever arrested??? He says...YES. (OK I am still wondering why this is big deal) So I say "what did you get caught with weed or something when you were 15 or something." He says "well not really but I did get arrested for possession". So I am still asking questions "what.. possession of weed in high school??" He says not exactly....

(This needs a new paragraph..) He says "I was arrested in Miami at the airport for bringing cocaine into the country from Haiti" Is there a moment of silence by my readers yet!!!!!

I need a moment...... Yes he said what I thought he said, I had to have him repeat this a few times. I was...well...I COULDN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!!!! He had the nerve to still ask me if this was still a deal breaker for me. My response was as follows"

"YES ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY this is a deal breaker, are you kidding, you made a conscious decision to bring drugs into this country and you were in your God Damn twenties, not 15, I am shocked you told me but I am glad you did, I can't believe this, please don't call me again we are done...done...do you hear me done!!!!!"

He still kept asking me if I could re consider, I said NO and because of my job you have to understand I CANNOT even associate with you...Please leave me alone and don't call me again.

Can you believe that girls???? Only me, only I would meet a narcotics smuggler on fucking Match...I need to complain to Dr. Phil.... I still think I have the worst luck.

As far as Apollo, the stripper with feelings, come Sunday afternoon (we had dinner plans on Sunday night) he bails on me and tells me yet again how sick his mom is and how he is dealing with alot and how sorry he is. Maybe Apollo is not sorry he is just another fucking liar like the rest of them. I am angry and appalled at the guys I am meeting on match. I will still keep trying and pray I don't meet another loser or better yet another fucking criminal.

Also, since Friday I have spoken to Yankee boy who manned up and apologized, we didn't have a committment to one another so I might give him another chance. We will see. I just didn't like that he didn't call me Friday to tell me he had "other plans" which he fessed up to and told me he was sorry he wasn't honest with me. But I still get some shady feeling about him. I think I am just very skepitcal of guys that I meet on Match now and my expectations have been shot to shit. Life goes on...I guess..

Friday night!!!

Well for those of you who still read this, I was very disappointed n the guy I happened to like and went to Baltimore with. I had a work going away party in Bayside Queens and as I walked into this bar, Yankee boy was there on a date with a very unattractive female. I was dumbfounded and upset and when I saw the 2 of them make out right in front of me, I was hurt and only because I was surrounded by 20 of my co workers (all men except for Braids) I didn't cry. I hate feeling like I'm on the top of the world, fuck even poops is feeling like that too, and then getting knocked right the fuck off. I am really sad today. Of all the fucking bars in New York, he had to pick the same one I was going to and be there kissing a girl. Yes he saw me cause I got a text from him soon after he left. He said he saw me and wanted to talk, I wrote back about what??? His next text was "we are dating correct but I'm only sleeping with you" So I wrote back that I did not believe that and that we were done. So he texted back 3 times that he wanted to talk and then called me the next morning. I didn't answer cause I was sleeping, which I have been doing all day, and then I called him back about an hour ago. He didn't answer so I left a message. We will see if he calls again. I'm not sure why I care but I do. I am not feeling very Samantha today !!! Sorry girls.

Alas the Poops Kingdom has arrived!!

As some of you know I was waiting for this new cage for my bunny rabbit, Poops, and alas it has come. Braids and Jax You will be proud it's almost midnight and I have finished putting together, all by myself, the cage. Lets all hope Poops enjoys his new home and has more fun by himself all day while I'm at work :)

I met Tommy Lee's cousin!!!

So I was just merely browsing Craigslist a few weeks ago, had some emails go back and forth with a guy who had a bad ass my space page. He seemed very normal and nice and after emailing, we exchanged some texts, and yes even a few phone calls. I also met on Craigslist a hot stripper with a huge ass Cc%$# (I know this cause he sent me some naked pics of himself) and so we have also exchanged emails and texts and even phone calls. (Stripper's name is Apollo, not his real name of course). So Sunday I actually met My Space boy at a Hooters...no pun intended...and we had some beer and wings and well went back to his place for some desert...I mean we "checked in" TWICE and (yes we used Mr. Magnum) cause he was oh my god...for those of you who have seen the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson video...he is just like that. And it was awesome!!! I left shortly thereafter, not much conversation, but his place was cool, clean and perfect for the evening I had anticipated. So I was going to go home and get ready for Apollo (I know I'm such a slut, 2 men in one day..Samantha would be jealous, Cheesh!!!) and he calls me and says " He would feel weird just coming over.....and then leaving right after, his mom has been sick so he has been feeling very emotional and he didn't want an evening with me to be just about sex!!! (Ha!! it gets better...) So he then says he wants to take me out to dinner, a real date, and that he has started to have some kind of feelings for me??? Ok, I have met him twice and yes we have talked on the phone a bunch, so I thought this was a little weird, but after he explained how he never has girls take him seriously and he has not had a girlfriend in a long time and he really misses having a girl to talk to and not just want to bang, it kind of made sense, I guess in his line of work it is harder than I thought to meet girls to "date". I guess his lifestyle makes it hard to meet someone, even harder than mine, and I thought I was lonely..... Wow, a stripper with morals and feelings...who knew!!!! So I said I would love to go out to dinner and we are supposed to go this week. I think the amount of dates and dinners have made up for my membership with Match thus far. Go match!!!

To back track a little, weird Billy (Goerge Foreman guy) never called again and I am going to use the grill tonight!!!! Thank you match for a George Foreman grill too!!!

Explaining PANCHITO

No I never understood why he said I blew him off. He gave me his number Sat, he said lets make plans for Sunday, I said ok, and I guess he expected me to call him at the crack of ass on Sunday to make plans. But since I was still sleeping, when he woke up to go to Church I guess, by 1030am he had written that funny bad ass email about Tinks and shit. So WHATEVER!! he can't expect that much from a playa like me ha ha !!! And I am certainly not waking up early on a God damn Sunday (sorry Mr. born again, I said God and damn in the same sentence, I always said I am going to hell) ....

Panchito !!!!

So one of the guys on match winked at me then emailed me. At first he looked hot, as above his screen name is Panchito, but I failed to read his profile closely and didn't realize he is a born again Christian and yes his last read book was the Bible!!! Not that that's a bad thing but since I am going to light up like a Christmas Tree the next time I step foot in church, maybe we aren't such a good match???? Anyone???? His emails were very complimentary and I figured what the hell a free dinner again. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up in person, he said how is Sunday, I said OK. So it's Sunday morning, 1030am to be exact and I just got this email from Panchito:

"I'm a little disapointed that you would stand me up, but not surprice. Kind of sad because I had a great impretion of you becouse of that e-mail about a month a go. But like I said, must girls on match love been on this site just for that trill of standing people up...Good Luck."

Wow did he finish grade school with this kind of grammar?? So what exactly is a TRILL of standing people up. I'm not a book nerd like Braids, or a wiz at writing like Jax, but you girls have definitely rubbed off on me... I can't go on a date with someone if they write this bad. I'm glad he thinks or should I say TINKS I stood him up??? With this kind of grade school grammar I'm happy I didn't have to endure another bad evening with Pancho...oh I'm sorry again Panchito!!!

I must add that the wedding was great and I had a blast, now Brent is on the shit list (which just makes me smile) and I will never have to see him ever. I'm glad I'm not on the shit list and I'm also glad I went solo and everyone still sees me as being happy. I also have to say that living on my own has really made me a stronger person and way more independent. Jax if you thought I was a good "bouncer back girl" well now I'm even more than that!!! HaHa!!

YEAH!!!!

Brent is not coming to the Wedding!!! He supposedly has his kid, but thats bullshit, he is in Buffalo with his mom and and stepfather, who is like a full time nanny and loves the kid more than life, he also told everyone he was still going to the wedding even when he knew he was getting transferred to Buffalo, so this is really cause of ME!!!! HE HE, I love that I still bother him, obviously more than he bothers me cause I'm still going and was always planning on going!!!!! I WIN!!!! I'm so excited but don't worry girls this does not mean I'll get too drunk and pass out!!! I swear!!

xoxo

He made me dinner, then got weird like all the rest !!

Ok, so I had a date last week with this guy named Billy, the one in my last post who was awesome in his profile and not so nice to look at in person, a little of a let down. So our second date was yesterday. He suggested coming over to make me dinner, yes I said it , make ME dinner, and when he came he also brought me flowers and a George Foreman grill, which he used for the asparagus. Dinner was awesome and we had a good night. Of course the whole time I thought to myself, "why couldn't he just be cute??" he is not really easy on the eyes, so to speak, and I kept thinking why are all the NICE guys ugly and the DOUCHES, cute. I hate dating!!! So he left late that night, no sex, just a bad kiss, which I had to help turn into an OK (better than bad) kiss goodnight. When he left I just felt horrible, cause thinking and discussing the next day I realized I am going to have to nip this one in the bud now before he starts to like me and I hurt his feelings, or this turns into another Brent relationship. That would be the feeling of a 'bad pressuring relationship' that comes to an end anyway. But tonight at 930pm, my phone rings and its him. He sounds very angry, like he had a really bad day or something like that, but when I asked him if he was ok, he just replied yeah work was just really long and hard today so I am going to bed, call me tomorrow or something. So I asked him again if everything was ok, I had told him I had dinner with a girlfriend for her birthday and was still at her house when I was having this conversation with him, and so back to the phone call. I asked a total of 3 times of he was ok, and the last time I got the very stern voice, rather mean actually, and he said " yes Dxx I am fine, I just had a long day at work, goodnight and I'll talk to you tomorrow" but this doesn't give it justice, he was down right mean. No questions asked he was pissed at something and I had no idea why it could have been me?? So, we hung up after his nasty response and I left my girlfriends house shortly thereafter. On my way home I texted him this:" Leaving to go home now, not sure if your angry at me or just angry. But ur job really takes a toll on you. Anyway sorry if your mad at me for something I did?" What happened after this........NOTHING. I got no response, no text, no smoke signal or carrier pigeon. WTF????? I thought maybe cause I didn't call him today after the dinner he cooked? Maybe I was supposed to do something or maybe I....Oh fuck I have no idea what I could have done to make him so pissed, and I have to say this is so NOT like him or his personality??? Weirdo!!!! So he just made it easy for me now, I don't plan on calling him ever again and if he calls me maybe I will tell him he is a weirdo or maybe I just won't answer and then I am sure he will get the picture!!! Men are weird, this guy who I thought was so nice and funny...well just turned out to be Greek or something. Well girls, another one bites the dust!!!!

Sum up of the last week

So I like Mr. Yankee and had a full weekend with him in Baltimore. (To back track a little, Yankee boy was a guy I met at the Yankee game while I was there with co workers, he met 2 of my girlfriends there who liked him and he was definitely cute, my first impression was: I like him, he is cute, but a little too much in touch with his feminine side, considering he was in Iraq for 4 years, yes he is an army dude, tattoos and all!!) Anyway, he paid for everything and he after the weekend he grew on me. I liked that he sang every word to every song on my ipod in the car ride to Maryland. He also has a nice body, dresses well, is very neat and clean (to match my OCD of neat and clean) and he also "checks in" very well. I used this term to explain to my girlfriends at work, when we were discussing the weekend details and playing Monday Morning Quarterback, that the sex was GOOD. I said we checked in to the hotel Friday night and "checked in" again before we left for dinner. All in all weekend was good, not sure if I get the impression he is looking for something serious or not. I do like him but we will just have to see what happens.

On another note, date with guy whose profile was very funny and sarcastic was a little of a let down in person. It was like we both hyped each other up to finally meet in person, and I was not doing back flips or anything. Still great date and awesome personality but not so nice on the eyes. I had a weird text from him over the weekend (while with Yankee boy) but we cleared that up over the phone tonight. What I thought was him being serious was him trying to be funny, but it came out all wrong in the text message. He apologized and said that he really wants to see me again. I guess I will, what the heck right?? I'm going to see him either Wednesday or over the weekend, and Yankee boy I'm seeing again tomorrow night. God I need a secretary for my daily events and activities. But leave the checking in part to me!!!

No need for words on this one

Mercy guy strikes again!!! This time it's funny and whats even weirder is I'm starting to like him, his creative imagination is growing on me. Also, he text me in Match that I'm more than HOT, I'm beautiful!!! The compliments (even though its from him) never get dull!!!

Holy Shit Batman...I have a stalker

OK....the stalker part..... While we were standing by my car and right before the kiss goodnight on date # 2 with match guy #6, Dee gets a text from ....... GEEK BOY!!!! Its not just a text its a fucking drawing!!!! (He actually drew cartoons as a side gig and was pretty good from what I remember...and pretty good as you can see above!!) Anyway, he even got my name on the bottom, and spelled it right too!!! But then he writes in the next text, which is the REAL STALKER PART: "This will come true in 5 more weeks!" Did I say Holy Shit Batman already!! He is counting down the weeks, Oh my God I'm so glad he doesn't know where I live for God's sake. This is very weird and eerie!!! I guess I do have to be a bitch!!! Jade you were right!!! I don't know I guess I will wait and see what happens and if I get another text next week!!!

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Match Date # 6

I had already went on match date # 6, twice. (Sorry peeps..too busy and lazy to write) and he is another just "OK"!! But I was convinced to go on a second date for "shits and giggles" and he was still just OK. He is average, skinny, little pop belly and a weird mouth..(For my work girls he is like an O'Malley just shorter and without the skeeviness) we kissed goodnight on the second date and it was just OK. He has a decent job, close with his mom and grandma, respectful and nice...All in all, I give him a 5 out of 10. Maybe 6, he is very laid back, easy going and did I say just OK. Well, he told me at dinner (date # 2) that he was going to bring me flowers but he didn't know where to put them or carry them. I have to say he reminds me of a more intelligent NOEL, (the really naive and sweet car wash guy), but this one knows what Silly and DISTURBING means. I have to find a way to get out of date # 3, since he already referred to where we would eat next time. UGGHHH, I need to be meaner and not care...Samantha where are you!!!!

Date's # 4 and 5

Date with Match guy #4 was well "OK". We met at a pool hall and had some drinks. He is an electrician and well he was better looking when he DIDN'T smile. Kind of weird huh?? I get a million compliments on my smile, even from this guy, and when he smiled it was sort of a cross between Jim Carey in the mask and a Jack'o'lantern. His teeth looked like a cut out pumpkin on Halloween and his smile was HUGE like the mask, so if he didn't smile it was ok. I had a good time, good conversation and he was in shape, a little on the thin side for me but at least he worked out. He told me he was really into Martial Arts..cool I guess, but I am looking for the whole package, not just 60%. He has the good job, body and seemingly good family values but I can't get passed the smile, Oh Lord!! So we ended with a kiss on the cheek and he said he would call me after the weekend cause he was going away for the 4th. We will see if date #2 happens with Match date # 4???

Date with Match guy # 5 was the biggest disappointment!!! He looked so cute in his pics, but in person, well, how should I say, when he was approaching me walking down the street (we met at the Nautical Mile again) I actually thought to myself, oh please let this NOT be him, please not this guy walking toward me, then the, HI Nice to meet you came!! (IT WAS HIM) His hair looked like half a head of lettuce!!! I swear if you were to cut a head of lettuce in half and spray paint it black, that was his hair do!! For God's Sakes he had more bangs than me!!! Was this Dee meets David Jones from the Monkeys!!! Ok so I had to end this one early. We had a few drinks and I told him I was going to meet a few friends in Rockville Center, so because he had to drive back to Babylon where he lived, he unfortunately followed me to Rockville Center, but then FORTUNATELY left after 10 minutes!!! I had a beer in that time and he didn't drink, so, he left!!! YEAH!! I was happy and proceeded to drink myself into a coma at the bar with my girlfriend!!! We all know when Dee drinks too much she passes out, but this time it was only for a few minutes and woke myself up with some cheese fries, got my second wind and was fine to drive home, but my friend drove my car instead just to be safe, I was fine!!! Went right to bed when I got home!!
Another bad date off Match!! This is becoming a problem and very disappointing!!! I was hoping for better with this Match thing but I have to keep trying!!! I have another date tomorrow (date #6) so... TO BE CONTINUED!!! (If this guy has a head of lettuce like guy # 5, I will cry!!!)

Update on "Beauty n the GEEK"

So I have been stalked by the guy who thought I was some super model and now he has been hounding me for another "date"!!!! So I told him that because of my job I wasn't able to have a serious committed relationship and he was kind of like "OH OK I'm confused with what happened and what your really saying to me..." I was like listen I have a crazy job, and even though I said on my profile that I was looking for something serious I am just not right now...plus I rambled into the fact that I just changed jobs at work and that I was going into a new group (which I am but it doesn't change my schedule) and that I was going to be expected to work alot of crazy hours. I kind of blamed this new group of mine to the fact that "I was just not that into him"!!
Anyway we hung up and I could tell he was very unpleased. I got another phone call July 4th and 5th and this is what happened. He called and then texted me that he wanted to know if I could do something on Sunday (tomorrow) and after a few phone calls his text basically said "I'm tired of calling you with no answer whats the deal with tomorrow?" A little pushy if you ask me. Well, as I am sitting here trying to type this blog of mine and of course answering emails from other match guys at the same time, I had to think of something...a good excuse to NEVER see this guy again. If I don't call you the day after a date thats to be understood that I don't want anything to do with you again, or the date was just that bad. I have learned alot living my life as a dude and realizing the mistakes of past relationships gone wrong, shit I have even learned alot through one night stands!! Anyway back to my excuse for geek boy! I texted him (note: never call, its a waste of my time and energy) and told him that my job has sent me to Georgia for training for 6 weeks (note: I pondered for a little on how much time I should say..3 months felt too long and a few weeks didn't sound realistic so I settled with 6 weeks!) And I said that I was sorry for not telling him sooner but I left on Thursday and was already in Georgia!!! (I felt a little bad but hey I thought it was the best escape plan from the Geek!!) I just love being able to come up with crazy shit and blame it on my job!!! Ok, so here is the bast part, he texts me back in 3 separate text messages 1st: OMG!! 2nd: I did get... 3rd: USED!!!! this guy has a real sense of humor, of course I wrote back that I thought he was crazy and that I didn't use him (YES I DID!!!! but not for myself, I was helping this guy out, shit he had to know that, ugly guys don't see the ugliness in themselves, and they say us girls are shallow, for God's sakes I saw stubble on his back ( YES I SAID STUBBLE< THE GUY WAXES HIS BACK..DEAR LORD!!!) Does he really think he would land a girl like me based on his looks???) So the next text said....(R u ready for this shit people): "you don't luv me..." How fucking funny!!! Um here is a fucking news flash, if I LOVED anything I would want it again..but I don't so...R U KIDDING ME!!! I just told you I was sent to another fucking state for work and for one you believe it and two you think I really enjoyed our date when I left after a few minutes and never called you again!!! WTF!!!! The last text was :" I adore you..I hope we can see each other when you get back" NOT!!! I really don't think I will ever let him know I got back from Georgia, so, as for Beauty meets the GEEK...."SAY LA VI" closing the door on Match guy # 3 (yes he was my 3rd date) !!!

Update on Cookie Monster guy!!!

So I get an email from the Dr. Evil, cookie monster impression guy and he said "so I guess there is no second date huh???" Now obviously if that were the case I would have called, this is now the guy making me have to be honest and say what he doesn't want me to say (stupid boys), so I write back sorry I no offense but I just didn't think we clicked, good luck!!, he has the nerve to write back "you didn't have to blow me off though", do guys really not get it?? Can they be as dumb as us girls sometimes, dude I am not into you or else I would have called 2 weeks ago, get the HINT!!! I actually wasn't planning on being as mean a I was but a guy friend of mine from work told me to stop being so nice. He actually was leaning over my shoulder and made me write what I said, I added the good luck part, and Dr. Evil was STILL mean about it!!! UGH!! Oh Well, I cant make every geek a "beauty and the geek moment" LOL!!!

Baby Showers...SUCK!!!

Ok, no offense to my best friend who is prego (I swear I love ya babe) but these things are BRUTAL for us single girls in their 30's. If you have ever watched the sex and the city episode with the 4 girls going to a baby shower..well then. I went today with my mom and it was the usual ohh and ahh bullshit!!! but what I hate is the questions of "so, whats new with you?? found a guy yet???Still single??? Any good dates???" I really don't mind talking about my love life but hell I hate when its forced just because at a Baby shower everyone feels bad for the single ones. This shower especially was fun (I mean that sarcastic) cause everyone came with their boyfriend or husband. No 'just females', which was good in a way cause a room of pure estrogen can be overwhelming and well for me a little uncomfortable, but when everyone is their with their significant other, its brutal!!! I must have explained nearly 50 times what happened with my last ex (and this one I mean Buffalo boy Brent, cause I have not seen some of these people since we last were together which was December!!!!for crying out loud!!!BRUTAL) then its what happened with Caleb and whats happening with Match and on and on and on. I hate answering a thousand questions where I feel like I have to justify my actions and justify being single!!! Anyway it sucked and so I am home now writing about it. I feel so down cause I'm home alone with Poops and typing this on my laptop. I was supposed to have a 4th match date tonight (new guy) but he bailed on me. I feel a little bad for him since he told me his grandfather just went into the hospital but who knows if thats the truth. How cynical I have become from dating, I never believe anyone anymore and I am losing faith in honest guys still existing. Are there any honest men out there still? Of course I am not asking for much just good looking, in shape, tall, smart, funny, good in the sack, good kisser, good job, nice family, no baggage or ex wifes, not living with parents, likes bunnies, generous, can fix things or screw in a light bulb, be able to pick me up, big penis and oh yeah honest!!! thats not asking for much is it??? I just want a guy to have what I have and offer what I can offer. That seems very unrealistic right now but hey thats why I am on Match. We will see!!!!

WTF??????

Ok so I had another Match date on Sat night. We met in Freeport. He definitely looked like his pics, and for some reason, as I walked up to him, I thought to myself why did I agree to meet him, his pics were just "OK" and he looked alot shorter in person. We had a drink at one bar (Freeport has a long strip of bars called the Nautical Mile) and when I told the bartender I wanted a drink I felt as though he hesitated to pull out money. Maybe it was just me but he seemed very nervous and uneasy...but what the fuck guy pay for a drink for the lady you just met in person from Match!! Gees...anyways he did and then I asked him if he was hungry? He said oh my god yes!! so we asked how long it would be to sit down for dinner, they said an hour..fuck..so "WE" decided...wait back up, "I" decided for us to go down the strip a little to find another place to eat. (I say this because he had never been to Freeport and I pretty much decided what to do the entire night) So we got in his car and drove down the strip to the end (it started to rain a little, thats why we drove) and when we got to the next place, this was when I realized he had no interpersonal skills whatsoever!!! He had to vale park his car and he didn't know that so when he drove past the attendant and parked himself the guy was signaling him to roll down his window. He did and said to the vale guy "WHAT???" the vale guy was like dude you have to vale your car and Match guy just looked at him with the window rolled down a crack and said "OH" I immediately got out of the car apologized to the vale guy and said sorry we didn't know can we leave the car here is that ok Sir?? The vale guy said yes and we got out and went into the restaurant. (oh boy this was going to be fun evening) Ok so I will move on. Another episode of no interpersonal skills man was when we ordered. He didn't know what he wanted so the waitress had to come back 3 times. All 3 times I had to say to the waitress sorry we are still not sure, he just shrugged his shoulders and starred at the menu. Once he did order he got a double order of baked clams and this was when I was embarrassed again!!! The baked clams came and one order had 4 the other had 3, but with the other 3 dishes of food on the table (appetizers and other stuff) he said to the waitress "Why does this order have only 3 there should be 4 like the other one) I wanted to crawl in a hole. But the waitress was very polite, apologized and brought a dish out later on with ONE fucking baked clam in it for Mr. Crybaby I want all of my baked clams!!!! By the way he never even finished all of them when we were done, he had like 4 left that he didn't even eat. I seriously didn't know if this was his outstanding personality or was I just making him THAT nervous. By the end of the night, for some reason, I felt very flattered and came to the conclusion that I made him THAT nervous. He told me I was the most beautiful woman he has ever dated, that a girl as pretty as me would never talk to him, that he has tried to meet girls in bars and he usually gets turned down or laughed at. I felt so bad for him, and to my credit of judging people, I felt he was being honest, not looking for sympathy. He was like the nerdy kid in school that got made fun of his whole life, so he got himself into shape (he did have a nice body and you could tell he worked out) but because of his nerdy awkwardness he has just bad luck with girls. He definitely was not ugly just not cute! So when he asked me nervously and shaking if he could kiss me while we walked down the strip after dinner, I thought it was adorable. I felt like beauty and the geek. I kissed him and to my surprise, it wasn't bad. He still was extremely nervous so I kissed him again and again and kept making him more and more nervous. I loved it!!! So, not to sound like I really liked him, this was like an experiment now, I was going to use him but also make his dreams come true!!! Well I soon got bored and decided to end the experiment. He was very disappointed but we ended on him saying he would call me. We all know how that goes, but I had no intentions of ever answering the phone.

FOR the WTF part!!!! At 230am my phone goes off and it was Caleb. His voicemail said "hey its me call me back" then I get a text right after that from Caleb "Hey where u" Asshole can't spell I guess when he's drunk!!! He must have been drunk, why else would he call me at 230 like everything was fine between us. Like I didn't call him an asshole a week ago??? Whats wrong with guys I don't get him at all!!!! I am still waiting for that letter, I knew he didn't mean it, he is that guy that just says things to say them and doesn't follow up his words with actions...classic example my air conditioner... I really hate him and wonder why he does what he does to me when all I ever did was care about his stupid ass. What a jerk!!! Anyway I am asking if I should text him that he a stupid asshole, email him that he is a stupid asshole or maybe where is my letter jack ass??? I am probably not going to do anything and just ignore it, but if anyone has a good comeback...please post something, a comment or whatever.

Closing the Caleb book

Ok I get it, "he is just not that into me"..well this one tops the cake of why I am officially closing the book called "CALEB"..I am closing it because he is a big giant douche bag!!!
Sat night I had a party at a friends house, this was after the Friday night "I am going home to stroke my sausage, Caleb text" Anyway I get the old phone call of, I was so busy busy busy but thinking of you and oh yeah what are you doing tonight??? I say, I am at a friends house, and he says, I would really like to see you, lets get a drink...I say, for some stupid reason, (well the reason is obviously cause I AM INTO HIM), okay, I'll call you when I leave. (Note: I am not going to quote "" everything cause its annoying) OK lets move on.... He says I'm going to jump in the shower and start getting ready, I'll wait to hear from you. (I guess he was jerking the chicken in the shower again ..who knows) skipping forward I meet him, we go out for drinks, he eats dinner, I watch and drink, then back to his house. We start off watching T.V. and talking about nothing and then he lays one on me... A HOT AND HEAVY PASSIONATE KISS. We go at it and its better than last week. I mean sweaty, aggressive, falling off the couch and on the floor with things falling off the coffee table and crashing, going at it!!!! I mean better than last week. So now its the next morning and I am trying to get ready to leave his house. He keeps pulling me back on the bed and being really cute and cuddly and making it impossible to leave. Then it happens...the talk about what Caleb doesn't like about me. How it came up and how he started talking about this I am not so sure, (probably because I left slamming the door and calling him an asshole).

So, back to the story. He starts to tell me how he is not and never has been a jealous guy, but he had a talk about what he was about to say to me with his friend, and his friend agrees with him. He goes on to say that he really doesn't like the fact that I am friends with some of my EX's. Like when he (Caleb) was in Cancun (mind you he was there during spring break and with 10 single friends) it really bothered him that I went to a Mets game with my ex. I tell him at this point he is crazy, how can he penalize me for being honest with him. My ex is my ex for a good reason. Anyway, then he says that it bothers him that I had lunch with a sort of famous actor. (who he is is not important but, I had lunch 2x with a tv actor). He says again (Caleb) that he is not a jealous person and never has been, but, these things have come to really bother him. Then the last thing was the cake topper. He says that it also bothers him that I have dated other guys whom I work with and that I am probably known as "that girl". He goes on to explain that "that girl" means that I am the slutty girl at work that the guys talk about behind my back because I have dated within the office. My mouth hung open. I couldn't believe he waited 6 months to tell me why he is "JUST NOT THAT INTO ME". I also couldn't believe after the night we just had he tells me the morning after that he really thinks I'm a slut and am looked at like a slut by my co workers. Why the hell would he waste my fucking time, and how could he say these words to my face???? I basically said these things to him and added that if he thinks he is going to find Ms. Perfect or better yet a 32 year old virgin who is perfect, be my fucking guest...I told him that he was crazy if he thought he himself was perfect and that I am done with his bullshit!!!! I told him to go fuck himself for telling me he thinks I am a whore after sleeping with me and to find someone else to waste time with on match and to never speak to me again. I stormed out and slammed the door so that the whole house shook and left. I got a text message about an hour later: " I don't say things right, I will write you a letter"...I can't wait for this letter (if he even writes one) and I plan on telling him his letter was put to good use...I wiped my ass with it!!! He can go take a long walk of a short pier in my book..( I know its corny but I like this saying..LOL) I am done and closing the book on Mr. GOING NOWHERE. I have worked at the same place for the past 11 years, I am not proud that I have had some relationships, cause they have all failed, but relationships in my line of work happen. Its just inevitable. So I don't feel bad for my actions, just a little sad that none of them have worked out. But thats not my fault and if he thinks that there is a better girl than me out there he is dead wrong and in for a big disappointment!!!! I know my ladies have my back on this one!!! So I am going back to Match and moving on!!! I hope I do meet Mr. Right before I turn 40!!!!

A great week of drinking!!

So this entire week I have had a reason (or an excuse to rationalize) my drinking this week, Monday,Wednesday, Thursday and Friday!!! I am going to talk a little about last night, Friday. I was on my way to Rockville Center to meet one of my girlfriends...and I get the voicemail from Caleb. His message was something along the lines of how buy he has been this week and how I was on his mind and he wanted to say hello. I swear...not an exaggeration...he complains that he is SOOOOO BUSYYYY every god damn time I talk to him. Its getting so annoying he should work where I work and then he can mingle with the rest of the complainers I have in the office. Its really annoying to hear him say he is so busy. Anyway I drunk called back later on that night and he didn't answer. He said he was on his way home at like 11pm to go to bed. I asked a guy I was friends with at the bar why would a guy call, me leave me a message that he was thinking about me, then tell me he is going home to bed when I invited him out to met me???? The guys reply, "he probably had a tough day and just wanted to go home to jerk off...guys do that sometimes, they would rather just go home and jerk off before bed so as to not deal with the hassle of a girl and any drama there could be if her were to come out and meet up with you" WHAT!!!!! I can't even comprehend why a guy would do that and if its at all true....well then....HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!!! I am still very disgusted to think a guy would rather jerk off than be with me but I guess its not the first time...I remember my Academy fling did that to me too, after I told him I had feelings for him, he stopped wanting to sleep with me and then told me how he jerked off in the shower. I guess guys are just weird like that????? If anyone has any input or insight into why this happens...please write or post to my blog!!!!!
Braids??? any opinions???? I am up too early even writing this right now so I will post more later. Oh and the cookie monster impression 1st Match date guy never called or texted back!! Thank God he got the picture!!!
I am supposed to have a 2nd match lunch date today but he hasn't called or text yet, so that might be a bomb.

Another weekend of DRAMA!!!

For all my friends who know me and my last relationship..Caleb... whom I broke up with over my Air conditioner... called me and left a message Saturday. His voicemail was very business like as if I was a customer who just purchased a toilet or something..Anyway he said something to the effect of he just took his medical exam for the Nassau County P.D. and he wanted to ask me a few things. He also left off with the typical thanks and have a good day. What is this a job referral?? I couldn't understand it. I eventually called back after my busy day of doing a lot of nothing. I asked him what he wanted and he wanted to talk to my girlfriend who is already on the job and he wanted her number. That was fine. We then got into a hey how have you been conversation since I hadn't talked to him in 2 weeks now. I was already emotional cause it was fathers day and we all know why that upsets me, so unfortunately for me I started to cry on the phone. He tells me how he has missed me and how he was sorry and that this whole thing sucks for him too, the not seeing me thing...I tell him that I have missed him too!!

Later on that night he calls again and then does the unexpected, but always hoped for surprise , and showed up at my apartment. I didn't expect this at all. So needless to say we talked, laughed, I cried and he listened and hugged me. The night was like a scene out of a movie... Ripping each others clothes off and kissing like we were rehearsing a scene from Fatal Attraction, but without the boiling rabbit on the stove. Anyway the next morning I impress him with my pancakes for breakfast and he loved it. My brother comes over and he leaves shortly thereafter. I question what all of this means...and basically I'm still not sure. He called later that day and we talked for awhile. I ask him what we are doing and if anything has changed and for the most part nothing has changed..he is still busy and stressed (what else is new thats all he ever says to me) and I'm still looking for Mr. Right. I am not sad but I still wish things for me were different. I am starting to get tired of the unexpected lifestyle I have and wish I could have some routine back. Speaking of unexpected I got an email from a guy whose eyes I swear are pointing in opposite directions. What the hell...is this what I have to look forward to on Match...Dr. Phil where are you...There should be a rule that for God's sake put a picture of yourself on match ONLY if your eyes point in the same direction...LIKE FORWARD!!! What the hell.

Another wink was from a guy who looked like the fat guy in the movie Just friends.... and his name was Dusty!!!! Why do these guys think a girl is supposed to be interested in a guy just cause she is on match...Gees that doesn't make us desperate. I then got a very serious email...very serious guy with a very serious email:
Hi Dxx,
Dane here, I was being very serious about something serious, honest, and strong between us. .......(A relationship) i don't play with people's feelings, I would like for us to give this a shot and i want to show you my feelings and what they mean in a honest and serious relationship. Dxx im very interested in you.

Ok settle down and take it down a notch!! What the hell I just asked how his week was going and this is what he writes. This was his second email!!!! Guys THIS IS MATCH.COM...NOT meet my next wife!!! I hate dating!!!!

1st Match Date!!!

Well I had my first date from Match last week, and it wasn't the best or the worst but it was definitely weird!!! It started with his screen name, which I guess should have been a clue...Dr. Evil and some numbers after that. that was the first sign...He was very respectful and picked me up and opened the door for me. I was hesitant about letting him know where I live but when he asked for my address I had the "I really don't give a fuck attitude". I mean hey, I have three guns in my apartment so why should I care??Right?? Right???
I found it odd that he lives in South Ozone Park, which is right near JFK and he claimed he has a lot of friends in Long Island, yet he has never been to a bar or restaurant in Rockville Center. One of the biggest social places in Long Island??? Weird.. but anyway, I suggested a good place to eat and we went. At dinner is where I consistently looked around in fear that no one else was paying attention to us. He proceeded to tell me how he likes Comedy and Chris Rock and so on.Which is great cause I do too!!! I love Chris Rock. But, then he started to tell me that he does impressions. YES I SAID IMPRESSIONS. We are on a first date off match.com, ...its not Night at the Apollo. Anyway he starts doing celebrities like DeNiro and Connery...but then.... he breaks out with....THE COOKIE MONSTER FROM SESAME STREET!!!! Holy fuck batman....I thought I was getting Punked!!!! I laughed just to appease him and prayed he would stop soon. Once he was done I immediately started yawning and told him how I had to wake up at 5am, which I really did, but at this point it was only 930 and I wanted to go home. I also immediately asked for the check and when I offered to pay he said to me " No..I got this..as long as you promise me a second date!!!" I didn't know what to say...do I pay and hope he gets the hint...no..instead I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, tilted my head and said "OKAY thanks" I know that was a huge mistake but I had no cash on me anyway.
So the drive home was quiet and when we got to my house he tilts in his head in my direction gazes into my eyes and says "Wow your beautiful, when can I see you again!!" I said " oh stop it thats sweet, but I'm not sure I have a crazy weekend" So he says "how about tomorrow..or Saturday or Sunday".....I say "I will let you know"....he says "ok..call me tomorrow or later or Saturday or Sunday"...I say "Ok it was nice meeting you" and then I get out of the car. After about 10 minutes he text messaged me...and I quote "so am I really going to see you again or were you just being nice" I didn't know what to write back so I texted " I had a good time talk to you soon" and he text back " thank you for ending my streak of bad dates" which was all very sweet but Sorry he has to know and realize that " I am just not that into him!!!"

I hope my next date doesn't do stand up Comedy!!!!

A funny past experience that takes the cake!!

This was a story I love to share cause it's so funny and everyone I tell has the same reaction..."holy shit that guy has some set..." I was set up by my cousin with this guy who was divorced and had a good job..although I can't remember his name or what he did for a living, I do remember he came to visit me once at JFK and I was so embarrassed, cause he heard me on the intercom tell the lady at our front desk who welcomed visitors, to tell him I was busy then I changed my mind and met him up at the front desk". Yeah he heard that entire conversation which gave him a clue that I was...well..just not that into him..and this is why.

First date: picks me up at my house (at the time I was living with my mom). Went to a nice dinner...sushi.. He drove me home and outside my house with the motion sensor light directly on us he proceeded to make out with me...but in a hard unenjoyable way. So I told him to at least drive down the block so as to not be directly in front of my house. (My mom was probably starring out the window for God's sake.) Then he starts to climb over onto my side of the car aggressively and still makes out with me in that hard unenjoyable way. I tried to very politely push him off and then he says.....ready for this....."come on, we're adults here...I know you want to see my big Cock"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I actually said wow thats forward and then I said not right now but maybe next time. I had no idea what to say. I was never faced with such disgust and inappropriate conversation on a first date before in my life.

When I told my brother about this blog thing and this story I was planning on writing.. he had a classic response... I should of said.. Here's how it would have gone:

Jackass: "Come on, we're adults here...I know you want to see My Big Cock"

Me: " Oh "My Big cock??" Was that the movie with Meryl Streep????

Jackass: "WHAAAAAT.... yes, yes it was"

Me: " Oh that must of been the movie before she got BIG"

LESSON: If date says anything inappropriate like this....Run like your BIG ASS IS ON FIRE!!!

This is the first time I have done something like this. I have learned that writing your feelings down can release some stress and I guess thats why I am trying it. Plus, I thought that it would be fun too!!! I will start off by saying that I just broke off another dead end relationship that I thought was going somewhere. I started Match 1 week ago and I want to see what happens. As I start the long road ahead into the dating field, I want to share my stories and keep my girls posted since some of them live vicariously through me...I think my mom does too !!!